Monday, December 6, 2010

Player's Choice Barbershop: Close Cuts and Conch

Calvin Johnson holds a pair of scissors that seem taken from the toolbox of a seamstress when in comparison to his hefty hands. With the precision of a surgeon making an incision, Johnson meticulously straightens the tape he gave his client using his clippers. Side conversations in the room have stopped and everyone’s focus is on the current Auburn v. Georgia college football game – everyone’s attention but Calvin’s.
“10 dollars that Auburn scores this drive,” says one patron.
“Make that a TD and we good,” says another.
“Bet!” confirms the first.
The drive ensues and eventually leads to a touchdown pass by Auburn quarterback Cameron Newton. Many in the barbershop erupt into cheers in response to the play while Calvin still works on that straight-edge hairline. Minutes after upon completing the task, he looks up at the high-definition television screen airing the game and nonchalantly notices the changed score of the game.
This is the attention Calvin “Big Cal” Johnson has given his work for close to 2 years as the owner and head barber at Player’s Choice Barbershop off the I-95 northwest exit of Martin Luther King, Jr. Blvd in Liberty City.


“A great haircut is like a great painting. The barber, like a painter, is constantly polishing his piece and making sure every minor detail is taken care of,” says Calvin.
For the past 22 years of his life, the 6-foot-3-inch, 340-pound “Big Cal” has been working to improve his talents as an artist of hairdos. While attending Miami Central Senior High School he enjoyed playing first base for the school’s baseball squad and right tackle for their power-house football team.
It was while participating in the school’s On-The-Job-Training program that Calvin was mentored by a Professor Lampkin, the person who helped him learn his craft and attain the feeling of satisfaction that comes with upgrading a person’s hairstyle.
“What makes me feel good is seeing someone who’s haircut I did and it made him look that much better. I’d like to think I do that consistently; which is important for a barber. It’s like a barber needs to be able to consistently cut his customer’s hair well or else he’s no good,” claims Johnson.
Customers coming to Player’s Choice can receive that essential, consistently good hair cut when they step foot in Calvin’s shop along with an experience to go with their newly-given fade. The shop's walls are adorned with mounted NFL jerseys of Randy Moss, Miami-native Mike McKenzie, and an autographed jersey of deceased Titan’s quarterback Steve McNair. If you’re lucky, you may end up waiting next in line to one of those NFL athletes themselves who from time-to-time cut their hair with Johnson. He’s had the opportunity to cut New York Jets player Litto Shepherd’s hair as well as working on pro-bowler Antrel Rolle’s scalp.
Upon first glance when walking into Player’s Choice you notice a large mural that spells out the shop’s name and is surrounded with the barbershop scenes from the Eddie Murphy classic “Coming to America” and also rapper/director Ice Cube’s “Barbershop”. Just like Ice Cube’s character in the movie (whom which he shares a name with), Calvin tries to create an amiable, “home away from home” environment in his shop.
“You got to be a people person in this line of work,” says Calvin. “People come in on Fridays with all their problems from throughout the week. You have to be able to talk to people, listen to them and their problems and you try to advise them as best you can. Sometimes I think I’m like a barber, psychiatrist, and counselor all in one.”
Big Cal knows his clients well and knows what works to provide an overall experience. On Saturdays and Sundays there isn’t much space available on the benches at Player’s Choice because of the clientele that choose to catch the day’s college and pro football action while they wait for their cut. Conversations go about on a daily basis and topics range from the trouble with Liberty City’s wayward youth to a massive debate as to who’s winning the monumental Central versus North Western high school football game.
Local elementary school students walk into the shop with their father to sell candy and raise funds for their school and quickly a story about something that happened last night at nearby King of Diamonds changes to a conversation about the Manny Pacquiao fight.
Half an hour later after the children leave, a middle-aged man walks in with a tray and a checkered chef’s hat and proclaims, “Conch! Who wants some good conch? It’s tasty food. If it don’t taste good, you don’t have to pay. But buy my conch, it’ll get you laid! Look at me, I’m nearly a 50-year-old man and get it FIVE TIMES A DAY! 'Cause of the conch!”
When making your way to sit down and wait for your mop to get chopped, be careful not to collide with the silver, metal pole that is in the middle of the room bolted to the ground and ceiling. Looking like a fireman’s pole, the shiny shaft is strategically placed next to a hanging smoke machine in the middle of the shop - reserved for after-hours use.
“Oh, that’s for certain nights after the shop closes. We like to give something different back to our customers; like a certain ‘Customer Appreciation Night,’” slyly states Calvin.
Amongst the assorted sports memorabilia on the walls at Player’s Choice, a small plaque is displayed in a corner off to the side of the shop. It’s a local youth cheerleading squad that Player's Choice Barbershop helped sponsor. Bellow that a framed picture of the City of North Miami youth basketball team – a team that Calvin coaches.



Despite managing his business on a daily basis the 36-year-old father of four, who states he’d be an English teacher if he wasn’t cutting hair, tries to fit time in his schedule to do what he can to make a difference in a community that he sees having a huge potential to thrive.
“The youth is easily influenced. It’s up to us older ones to help guide them and make them better people,” asserts Johnson.

Having been raised in the Little Ridge area by his older aunt, he considers the ability to run his own business a constant blessing. He describes his early childhood as a humbling experience that made him appreciative of things; saying that his family and him “weren’t spoiled but we got what we needed.”


He co-owns the shop with a fellow business partner and until a year ago he was the only barber for some time. He’s now joined by a fellow barber, Omar “Ant” Anthony, and is still actively searching for new talent to fill up a third barber station. Maurice, a mutual acquaintance met through a friend of his is the unofficial promoter/marketing man for the shop.
Calvin Johnson’s face lights up and the grills on his lower row of teeth gleam when asked about his barbershop.
“I’m very blessed. I’m very fortunate. I’m a big fan of Sinatra and I always feel a connection to that song “My Way” because doing things your own way and succeeding… it’s a wonderful feeling.”

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Man, I wish I lived in Canada!

What's up, great people of the United States of America?!

America has always been known for it's high quality television programming and original content (All in the Family, The Brady Bunch, I Love Lucy, Perfect Strangers). Recently, American television networks have had to resort to importing other successful REALITY TV shows from other countries. NOT ANYMORE!

MTV (MUSIC Television) has found monumental success for 2 seasons now with its "Jersey Shore" show. Its a show that combined some of New Jersey's most... animated (very much an understatement) residents in one house a la "Real World". It's a social experiment that has proven to be entertaining (to MOST, not ALL... I'm in the most though. J-WOW 4EVA!!! >

NOW, Canada is buying into the whole "Jersey Shore" wave with it's own similar show - "Lake Shore".

In the "Jersey Shore" the cast was picked from the area's Italian-American population. In "Lake Shore" .... well, just watch the TV magic ensue!




I'm sure everyone is incredibly proud to have such a diverse and colorful cast representing them... (I'm calling Direct TV RIGHT NOW!)

Sunday, October 24, 2010

NFL Commercial

Football season is here folks!!! America's (Favorite) Pastime is back for another 4 months (much to the thrill of Housewives everywhere!). This commercial is airing on television promoting Direct TV's Sunday package (Fuck Sunday Ticket! Redzone is where it's at!). We spoke about other racist commercials and this one came to mind. Does this play up voodoo religion misconceptions? You decide (I say it's cool with me, as long as they don't put any ju-ju magic on my precious Dolphins).


Friday, October 22, 2010

R-Word vs. N-Word

The Daily Show With Jon StewartMon - Thurs 11p / 10c
The Hurt Talker
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full EpisodesPolitical HumorRally to Restore Sanity

Finally, the age old debate about which word is the worst slur word. Is it the heavily-tabooed epithet "NIGGER" or is it the easily thrown around "RETARD". I'm waiting for a sneak-attack ousting by "FAG". The Daily Show weighs in.


Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Leprechaun in the Hood

I'm going to keep this one nice and quick and simple, folks - but still insightful!

In our multi-ethnic class we got to see a snippet of a local news story that played on black stereotypes and the story (BARELY) of a Popeye's Chicken franchise that had run out of chicken.

Here I present to you a similar story that I came across sometime ago about a small community in Mobile, Alabama. While somewhat funny (funny?! HILARIOUS) because of the hype and hoopla being caused over a whole lot of nothing, think about what was running through the mind of the news broadcast's producer when thinking of airing this package. Might there have been a similar agenda to the video discussed in class and this one....




(I think the producer was a CRACKHEAD!)


P.S. - Halloween is around the corner and if you're in the mood for a really good-because-it's-bad horror flick, rent the movie with the same title as this blog - YOU WON'T BE DISAPPOINTED!

Monday, September 20, 2010

What'za Matazah With You?! (YOM KIPPUR EDITION)




My hats (and if I would wear one, my yarmulke) off to the Jewish people. If there is one group of people that can take a joke it's them. Throughout history, Jews have been some of the most persecuted and assaulted ethnic/religious groups in the world (God's Chosen People?! More like God's whipping boys). Take a look at their track record: The exile from Egypt, the fight over the holy land in Palestine, the Inquisition, the Holocaust (the Decision - Lebron James' agent was super pissed over him taking a pay cut to go play for Miami). The Hebrew race is a resilient group that has taken a lickin' and has kept on tickin'... and LAUGHIN'.

This past Saturday, practicing members of the Jewish faith observed the day of Yom Kippur. Known commonly as the Jewish day of atonement, Yom Kippur marks the end of the High Holy Days (that would be Super Bowl Weekend for me!). Amongst many other traditions, Jewish people will look for forgiveness for wrong-doings towards God or other human beings. It is a day that most Jews will fast for about 25 hours and give up many everyday things such as bathing and even sexual relations. NO...WAY.... (YAH....WEH!)

What I'm trying to get at here people is that on this very sacred day to the Jewish people, if anyone should be asking for forgiveness, it is the man known as Mel Brooks.

If anyone has ever benefited off the troubles of the Jewish people it's him! His movies, Broadway musicals, and his TV show bits (check out the "2,000-Year-Old Man" for some classic Mel) all have a joke or two (or a few dozen) at the expense of the Hebrew race. He's put Hitler on Broadway, black men in Sherwood Forest, and Jews in space.

Mel Brooks, a Jewish man himself, skewers numerous races in his work (Exhibit A), but some of his most noteworthy jokes come at the expense of his own race (nobody likes the Jews... NOT EVEN THE JEWS)! The mastermind of such movies as "The Producers", "Young Frankenstein"and "Spaceballs" never misses the opportunity to take a jab (What? With A LANCE! Like you did to MY messiah?!) at the Hebrew race (Hey, just like that OTHER Mel). No source material is too taboo or too revered for Mel. Don't believe me? Take a look at this scene (one of my favorites from the movie) from "History of the World Pt. 1".... (I'm still waiting on the sequel, Mel)





(I don't know what the Muslims and Jews have against this period of time... it looked SPECTACULAR!)

The key to all this is self-deprecating humor (or how I gaffed in class the other day - self-defecating humor. I don't know what the big deal was, in either case you're still shitting on yourself!). With this type of humor one shows a slight bit of humility, they show that no race or person is perfect and they show that while all we are all different we still share some commonalities. Before we can begin to discuss what makes us all racially and ethnically different, we must first be able to get off our high horse and meet on the same level with one another - that I am no better than you (well, better than Hitler maybe... and not better than Ghandi). It is the philosophy that Mel uses in his work and one that we should adapt when looking at the classic comedy that is life on Earth.

(Ya see! I was getting to my point eventually!)

So on behalf of all the boys and goyim, (I hope I get this right)...

"Gemmar Chattimah Tovah"




(Little Easter egg... I mean a Christmas pres... f'k it, just ENJOY!)






Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Hold onto your White Robes!

Alright class, we have a video before today's lecture begins...


Chappelle's Show
Frontline - Clayton Bigsby
www.comedycentral.com
Part 1

[Intermission]
(Go get yourself and me a snack, QUICK!)

Chappelle's Show
Frontline - Clayton Bigsby, Pt 2
www.comedycentral.com
Part 2






Wassup, my racially intrigued niggas?!

(Wait...what just happened?) Yes, I used the word "nigga". A word that's mostly used in black culture as a term of endearment to one another and which derives itself from the racial epithet, "nigger". The word's become a bit of a cultural appropriation thanks to the widespread popularity of Hip-Hop music and black-culturally themed entertainment (This whole paragraph had a whole bunch of big words and a whole bunch of dirty words in it...)

Along with the "n-word" we have spics (my favorite!), chinks, japs, jews, honkies, dagos, krauts, coons (not fair, you already did the blacks) and so many others (don't only make it racial - remember the fags, dykes, retards, etc.)! The English language is littered with these words (forget Latin, English is the TRUE romance language).

Yes, they all have negative connotations and trigger ill sentiments in people, but at the end of the day they are merely words (words are weapons - like NERF guns). Words that when used with malice, hate and ignorance behind them do harm and affect people. These words only do damage when the original intent of the user is to do so.

This is why I chose to start my blog off with this ingenious sketch from the instant-classic Comedy Central sketch program, "Chappelle's Show". The show while sometimes crude and offensive, as the prior derogatory terms mentioned may be, helped address the basic idea of cultural differences in the world and how humanity co-exists. The skits within the show have tackled such heavy subjects as racism and cultural/class differences. The video I chose here has a black white supremacist, who having been born black and blind, was pretty much conditioned to hate African-Americans. It's a sad idea to think that this could actually happen, but it leads one to think: Can discrimination be taught? Is it merely based on those differences we can see? Or do we have this innate tendency to segregate or classify people into groups regardless? (and to think, this is the same show that gave us, "I'm Rick James, bitch!")

"The Chappelle Show" clip uses a device that I believe we desperately need in order to swallow the heavy subject of race and diversity - humor. Humor helps bend, mix, stretch and alter conceptions in our minds in order to realize the truths amongst us (whoa...this is like some Matrix shit).

I hope to use the gift of comedy and humor throughout this blog as a means to have an open dialogue about the millions of varying characteristics that make us different, unique and even sometimes similar. I'll try to find clips from popular movies, television shows, or simply internet videos that will help me make my point (wait until you see the masterpiece I do with the "Two Girls, One Cup" video). I know I may slightly offend somewhere down the line and provoke with some of the things I say ("Vampires AREN'T real!"), but I hope it helps lead to constructive discourse and to new areas of conversation. This blog is called "Stirring the Melting Pot" because I plan to churn up and jostle the proverbial multi-racial pot to make sense of this all. My intentions aren't to alienate (as in those people they keep talking about in Arizona?!) but please do have a thick skin. I feel no one should be safe when it comes to comedy and by leaving people out of it we're in a way segregating and alienating them.

OK! OK! I'm rambling on and we got a lot of blogging ahead of us in the coming months!

Let's all have some fun and really try to understand this complex and amazing species that we are - human (eh, we're just glorified monkeys with opposable thumbs!).


P.S. - I'm full of shit sometimes so call me out! Please! Keep me on my toes and COMMENT AWAY! Also, yes I do curse in this blog. Get over it, we're adults. Well, at least you should be an adult to read this blog (thus the colorful disclaimer prior to getting in here) and these type of words shouldn't be a problem. I don't consider myself some simpleton that needs to use them, I just feel that they add a certain flair and pinache to my speaking/writing style (plus, I'm an ACTUAL sailor...).